Snowflakes

This is a poem I read on my fridge when I moved into my apartment and I want to remember it always. I love the idea of it. :)

Although a simple snowflake to you

is all I seem,

Please take me hoe and hang me

where I may be seen.

I'll remind you of the blessings that

come from heaven's way.

Just like the little snowflakes

upon a winter day.

Each snowflake is unique in shape,

design, and size,

Just as our blessings differ to fit our

needs and lives.

One solitary snowflake would hardly

make a mound,

But when they fall in millions, they

cover all the ground.

One solitary blessing might seem

rather small,

But God sends down so many, it's

hard to count them all.

We need the lovely snowflakes to

give moisture to the earth.

We need our Father's blessings to

help us know our worth.

So when you think of snowflakes,

think of blessings, too.

And that Heavenly Father's kindness,

is sending both to you.

Oh Remember

Today I remember Nauvoo.

I opened my scriptures this morning and found the flowers I pressed from the beautiful gardens in Nauvoo. As I looked at the colors captured forever in my Book of Mormon, a flood of memories came into my mind.

I remember walking through the groves in the morning right after the sun came up. The dew on the leaves glistened in the new sun. The birds chirped their happy songs about Nauvoo. The pioneers told their stories on the plaques as I walked through the groves.

I remember being roommates with four girls (two of whom were my companions). We giggled. We bore our testimonies to each other (sometimes in our sleep!). We talked about life, love, and the gospel that made us one.

I remember my Mission President and his wife. I went on weekly drives with Sister Ludwig. We talked about faith. We talked about pioneers. We talked about my Savior Jesus Christ.

I remember singing my testimony of Joseph Smith and Hyrum every day. Sometimes I was so overcome with the spirit, the tears streamed down my face and it was everything I could do to even speak the words. They were no ordinary men.

I remember all the sisters walking around in our slips before Sunset by the Mississippi. Imagine 10 girls all in the kitchen cooking different meals in their companionships! Somehow it always worked and we loved each other. :) Even though it was cramped.

I remember at the beginning, the sisters went around each night and chose a different sister to tell all the gifts we had each seen in her. The night that is was my turn was one of the most humbling nights of my life. The Lord truly placed each of us there at that time for a reason. I love those women with all of my heart. And I always will.

I remember the miracle of my feet.

I remember genuinely laughing so hard my face and stomach hurt every day. I also remember smiling so much my face hurt every day.

I remember posing for pictures. I remember little girls looking at me with the same look in their eyes that I had when I looked at the sisters that served when my brothers were YPM's.

I remember the Lord telling me several times a day that He loves me. I remember Him telling me I need to tell others that He loves them through my performing. And now today, through my genuine happiness in life.

I remember bearing my testimony in the 70's hall. I remember singing with Sister Elbert "Nauvoo" to someone from The Community of Christ Church. I remember them crying. I remember crying too.

I remember incredible talks with each of the sisters at different times. We all loved the Lord. We all did everything we could to serve as much as we could.

I remember my two incredible companions. I was so blessed.

I remember my family. I can't tell you how many times I received a letter with something in it that I needed that day. I laughed. I cried. I was humbled by the sacrifices my family made to have me on that mission. I remember them coming to Nauvoo. I remember being so proud to have them there! I wanted to show my family off to everyone! I wanted to show everyone and everything off to my family! I remember asking Bekah if she knew who Joseph Smith was. Her cousins reminded her and then we talked about President Monson being the prophet today. I remember Bekah bearing her sweet testimony, "Yeah, President Monson lives far away, but Jesus lives in our hearts. And I'm hungry."

I remember Alina's baptism. The spirit was so strong that day.

I remember Nathaniel walking into the church and me crying as soon as I saw him. I loved being a missionary with Nathaniel.

I remember reading the Book of Mormon every chance I could. If I was off stage for ten minutes, I was in the back reading my scriptures with the nightlight they had. I remember feeling the spirit burning strong as I read about ancient prophets.

I remember getting my black eye. I ran back stage to pick up my prop, bent down and my eye met the podium. I ran back on stage with my face throbbing but I was smiling and singing and dancing just the same. Two hours later, everyone was a little shocked at how purple my eye was. :)

I remember being worried that I wouldn't feel the spirit again after Nauvoo. I remember Dad giving me a blessing promising that I could and would depending on my faithfulness.

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. This morning, I opened my scriptures and remembered.

"These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.

“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”5

The key to the remembering that brings and maintains testimony is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion. It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us. It is the Holy Ghost who can help those we serve to see what God has done for them.

Heavenly Father has given a simple pattern for us to receive the Holy Ghost not once but continually in the tumult of our daily lives. The pattern is repeated in the sacramental prayer: We promise that we will always remember the Savior. We promise to take His name upon us. We promise to keep His commandments. And we are promised that if we do that, we will have His Spirit to be with us.6 Those promises work together in a wonderful way to strengthen our testimonies and in time, through the Atonement, to change our natures as we keep our part of the promise.

It is the Holy Ghost who testifies that Jesus Christ is the Beloved Son of a Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to have eternal life with Him in families. With even the beginning of that testimony, we feel a desire to serve Him and to keep His commandments. When we persist in doing that, we receive the gifts of the Holy Ghost to give us power in our service. We come to see the hand of God more clearly, so clearly that in time we not only remember Him, but we come to love Him and, through the power of the Atonement, become more like Him."

President Eyring

I am eternally grateful for my memories. I pray that I may always remember what things the Lord has done for me in my life. And always remember the testimony I have received of His love.

"Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

President Eyring

Happy birthday to me.

In the last week I have:

• Gone to the temple 3 times
• Had 7 very crucial and emotional conversations with different people
• Written and turned in an 11-page paper
• Gone to 7 choir rehearsals
• Have practiced for 7 hours
• Taught 2 lessons in the public school
• Gone to 3 different parties - one of them for me!
• Gone on 2 dates
• Gone out to eat... too many times
• Gone to the opera
• Written 3 very long and overwhelming lesson plans for different subjects
• Watched 10 episodes of I Love Lucy
• Watched Extraordinary Measures (very good movie, by the way)
• Watched 5 episodes of The Office
• Played Boggle, Scrabble, Word Twist, and Yahtzee
• Bought 2 shirts
• Gone without a car
• Spent time with my family
• Been sung "hello" to by primary children
• Been sung "You've Had a Birthday" to by primary children (thank you, Jeff and Caitie!) lol
• Laughed
• Cried
• Vegged
• Worked too hard
• Loved
• Been loved

In the last week I have turned 25. Weird.

Getting better and better!

The positives and negatives of today.

- I woke up late
- I was late for class
- My teacher for that class is a terrible teacher! (I find that really amusing because she's teaching us how to teach and I don't agree with most of what she says or how she's teaching it.) I honestly sit in class and analyze how bad her teaching is. It's how I amuse myself.
- I've been emotional for a few days and this morning didn't help
- After class, my two professors ganged up on me (maybe not... it just felt like they did) and told me I couldn't teach music during my practicum. They were also frustrated about my being in Women's Chorus
- I haven't found a way to pay for London yet and I have a financial hold on my account at school
- Classes are overwhelming and I don't know how to get it all done
- Women's Chorus was terrible today. No one was paying attention and no one could count the music!

+ I got ready in a 1/2 hour
+ A good friend held my hand while I cried
+ The devotional today was about Nauvoo and they showed the house I lived in and the temple
+ I made a new friend while waiting for my dinner. Her Mom just passed away and she had a beautiful testimony
+ I wheeled my friend to his next class. He started having siezures randomly at the beginning of the semester and since he blacked out two days ago he's been in a wheelchair. He is a strong person. Little did he know that he made my day.
+ My Mom loaned me money to pay off my financial holds so now my financial aid can go through
+ I deposited money into the bank
+ I saw a beautiful baby sleeping
+ People smiled and said hello to me
+ The weather was perfect
+ I talked to my brother on the phone
+ Heavenly Father answered my prayers

What a beautiful beautiful day

:)

This morning I heard two amazing stories that make me excited to teach. :)

Story #1
Teaching in Provo, Utah has some very special experiences unique to the area. One morning a teacher was teaching about the Presidents of the United States. She held up a penny and asked the students who the picture on the front was (they were quite young). All the children yelled out, "It's President Hinckley!" She then turned the penny around and asked them if they knew what building it was on the back. They replied, "It's a temple!"

Story #2
This one comes from Aunt Mellie/Amber through my Mom. Amber has four little boys and one of them threw a cucumber on the ground. The next oldest boy told the little one that he can't do that because he shouldn't throw zucchini's down on the ground. The next oldest after that said, "That's not a zucchini!! Zucchini's are what girls wear!"

I love it!

Eww!! Gross!!!!!!!!

As many of you know, I am going to school full-time again this semester. Last semester was an awesome break but it feels good to be back in the swing of things. I am taking a science class and so far it's been really fun. However... we have this life science project where we have to go buy some creepy crawly thing and keep it in our house to observe it throughout the semester. The options were:

madagascar hissing cockroaches

Or crickets

Or Giant Millipedes

Or millworms

We chose millworms. I'm sorry if this upset any of your stomaches... it did the same to me. Just know what I'm going through to teach your children!

STOMP + what a night

Mom came into town a couple days ago and came to devotional (which I was singing in). She also took me to lunch, DI and then came to Women's Chorus! It was such a fun day! She mentioned that she was going to see STOMP with Nathaniel that night and when she told me that, I honestly was a little more than a little disappointed.

I have wanted to watch STOMP since I was 14 years old! I watched this awesome video of them and then when we went to New York, I really wanted to see them there. Alas, when we got there to see if they had another ticket, we found out it was sold out. Huge bummer!! When Mom and I picked up Nathaniel that night, I asked him if he really understood what a privilege it was to see STOMP because if he didn't... I should go. He did understand. I ended up going and putting myself on the waiting list to get a ticket if there were extras. If you don't know how amazing STOMP is... here is a sample:



Ok... so back to the story. I waited for about twenty minutes and during that time, my friend (whom I will call Fred) started texting me. Finally, about 5 minutes before the show started, they had a ticket for me! I was so stoked! I told my friend I was going to watch the show. And then I started looking for my debit card. It was nowhere to be found! Agh!! I hurriedly texted Mom (who was already in the show with Nathaniel). When she didn't reply immediately, I texted again, "I need help!". Right as Mom came outside this other woman came to the counter and handed them two tickets that she wanted to give out for free! I was the next in line so they gave me both tickets!! Well, it was just me there at the show and since I was already texting Fred, I called him and asked if he wanted to come. He did. We went in and watched one of the most incredible shows ever.

After the show, Mom and Nathaniel left and Fred and I talked for a while in my car because we hadn't seen each other for about a month or so. We just caught up on Christmas, and everything else going on in our lives in the last month. This friend and I tend to enjoy backscratches so as we were talking, we gave each other backscratches. Well, around 11:00 Mom pulled up in her car right next to us and here we are 2 hours after the show ended and we're scratching each others' backs in the parking lot of the show. Now... how would you feel about this? It looks really bad to your Mom. It also looks bad to Fred because here is your Mom checking up on you when you're 24 years old. :) Funny huh?

Well, it turns out Mom hadn't read the text that said, "I need help" until she was on the freeway on her way home. She called me and I didn't answer because my phone was still off from the concert. So she called me about ten times and I didn't answer. She texted me several times as well. Each text getting a little more frantic as the night went on. She went to my apartment, she called Nathaniel. Nathaniel called me. Of course I didn't hear his calls either. So he tried to find Fred's number to call him. Mom ended up retracing the road to the show from my apartment and then found my car.

When she finally found us, I called her and asked her what was up. She didn't really communicate her worry... she just asked if I wanted to go get some ice cream with her. Fred and I decided to go and we met her at Baskin Robins. It was there that she told us everything that had happened and how worried she had been.

We all had a good laugh. I felt terrible for all the worry I had caused. But I'm still laughing as I write down this story. Definitely a keeper. :)

Yes sir!

Included in the typical questions asked at the beginning of every semester is "what classes are you taking this semester"? This is a really boring question to which they receive a very boring answer... Science, Social Studies, Math, Literacy, Fundamentals of teaching, 2 practicums, London study abroad prep, Women's Chorus and... MILITARY FITNESS. Boring right? :) Absolutely not! This is going to be an awesome semester. I can already feel it. In every muscle in my body.

Yes. I am choosing to take this class. No. It is not required for elementary music specialists. I got introduced to the idea by Sister Butikofer from Nauvoo. She took it last semester and when I saw her I couldn't believe how awesome she looked! I asked her what she was doing and she said she just went to PT three times a week. I was sold. I signed up for the class and I actually really love it.

I have a squad. I, Emilie Anne Gardner, musician, dancer, and teacher, am in a squad. In the Army. Weird. I have a position in my squad. I am a second first, which means I am in the second squad in the first row. When I have questions I ask my teacher, Sargeant Master Voight. Don't forget that he is Sargeant Master. He's not Sargeant, Lieutenant, General or Master. He is Sargeant Master. I yell a lot. I don't actually know what everyone around me is yelling so I just raise my voice until everyone else is done and then I stop. Hopefully I'll be able to understand the words soon.

I work out. Hard. Three times a week. After the first day my muscles hurt so much I couldn't do my hair. We did as many army pushups as we could in thirty seconds, then as many army situps as we could in thirty seconds. Then we ran laps and did more pushups and more situps and this other exercise for triceps that is from hell. Really it is. My arms hurt more last week than they ever have in my life. The second day of class was the dreaded PT test. Luckily I'm not contracted in the army so I didn't have to necessarily pass anything. They were just going to test me and see how much better I got at the end of the semester. We were supposed to do as many pushups as we could in two minutes. Keep in mind that on Monday my arms were worked out fairly thoroughly... I did 5 army pushups. I did 5 whole army pushups!!! I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am completely proud of my 5 pushups. They were in good form. I was shaking, but I did 5. (Never mind the fact that the numbers all around me were in the 60's and 70's...) We also did as many situps as we could in 2 minutes. I did 15!!! I was so pleased!! We then ran 2 miles as fast as we could. My knee started hurting so I only did a mile and a half. But I did a mile and a half!

This week has started out a little better. :) I ran a couple miles this morning and did more pushups and situps. I am excited to see what this semester brings. Yes sir!

My Gammy - A Tribute to an Amazing Woman

I've been avoiding this simply because I don't want to cry. With that said, here is my attempt at letting the world know how amazing my Gammy is.

When I was growing up my family would go visit Gammy every time we came to Utah which was quite frequently. She was always excited to see us. She gave us wonderful hugs and would ask us individually what was going on in our lives. I remember swinging on the tire swing in her back yard. I think it was under the apple tree. She would take us out to her garden to show us what she was growing. She grew wonderful fruits and vegetables and always sent us home with fresh produce from her garden. I remember her showing us her favorite roses from her rose garden as well.

Gammy was an artist. She would draw her favorite roses in a little sketch book with colored pencils. She actually inspired me to do the same thing when I was younger. My Mom gave me a book of different kinds of flowers and I would find my favorite flowers, do a report and draw a picture like Gammy. Gammy stitched really incredible cross-stitch patterns. We had them hanging up all over our house when I was younger. Now that I am older, I have a picture of the Savior that Gammy cross-stitched for me. It reminds me of her and of her testimony of Christ. I also remember Gammy's dresses she made for Caitie and me when we were little girls. They were the kinds of dresses every little girl wants to have. They had big full skirts, lots of lace and frills, and they made me feel like a princess. She made me a stuffed bunny and clothes for my stuffed bunny. Gammy also painted nativity sets for my family. They are exquisite and will be in our family for generations to come.

Gammy wrote children's books. They are witty and fun. As my Mom and my Aunt were cleaning through her house, they found a huge stack of rejection letters. Gammy persisted though and published 6 children's books. Those books are:

Sneezles and Wheezles

My Tiny Book of Prayer

My Tiny Book of Tithing

My Tiny Book of Family

My Tiny Book of Joseph Smith

My Tiny Book of Christmas

When we visited Gammy she would take out her big book of books in progress and read us her latest story. I remember her voice. I will remember her voice my whole life. And I will read to my children the books my Gammy read to me.

Gammy won awards for her creativity. She won two cars, thousands of dollars, new wardrobes, a trip to Hawaii and others that I don't remember. She came up with jingles and advertising for different companies.

The most important thing I will remember about my Gammy is her fervent testimony. She has a personal relationship with her Savior Jesus Christ and she made sure her children knew it. She and her children were converts to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Before Gammy knew about The Word of Wisdom, she drank 14 cups of coffee a day. When the missionaries told her about The Word of Wisdom, she stopped cold turkey and never drank a cup since then. She lived a hard life so that her children could live better ones.

Gammy has 4 children, 24 grandchildren and 53 great-grandchildren. She is my Gammy.

My last memory of Gammy is from just a little over a week ago. My brother Nathaniel and I took work off and made Gammy a nativity out of clay and took it to her. I held her hand the whole time we talked to her. She was in a lot of pain and we told her how much we love her. She told me I need to get married :) Mom made her promise to help me find my husband. :)

I love my Gammy. I am proud to be a Granddaughter of such an amazing woman.

This is a poem my brother Matt wrote about Gammy.

My Gammy - by Matt
Thank you for giving me The Church

Thank you for giving me my mom

Thank you for believing in me

Thank you for living a hard life to give me a better one

Thank you for your stories

Thank you for your poems

Thank you for the memories

Thank you for giving me my life

Thank you for loving me before you knew me

I will miss you, Gammy

We will all miss you

From your granddaugther, Emilie, I love you Gammy. Thank you for being MY Gammy.

London

I'm going to London!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a random decision honestly. I had heard about this choral study program last year and they asked how many people would be interested. I did not raise my hand. I wasn't interested. I had other plans and other ideas. When I got back from Nauvoo and my friend Jake told me about London and everything that would happen there, I had a stirring of excitement that I can't quite explain. I've never really been driven to travel to London. My dream is to go to Africa. But for some reason I really wanted to go. I told Mom about it and then put it out of my mind, thinking I would apply in January when the application was due.

Last week, I looked at the brochure again. It said, "Application due December 10". They moved the deadline. I had to think about it for all of 1 minute before I decided to apply. I applied, went through a rather intense interview and then today I got an amazing email.
"Emilie Gardner, Congratulations on your acceptance to the BYU choral study abroad program Spring 2010." AGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm going to LONDON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Thought About Change

We are creatures of habit.

How many times have you heard that? How much do you actually enjoy change in your life? Sometimes people are very good about it. They love change and they seek for it. Others of us are uncomfortable with any change that happens in our lives. However, are we living up to our true potential or does there need to be a change in our lives for us to become the kinds of people we can truly become? We pray to Heavenly Father and ask Him for new experiences and new blessings, but what are we doing to show Heavenly Father that we are ready for those new experiences and blessings? We drive home the same way every day. We eat at the same restaurants and often eat the same things. We are creatures of habit. If we want to show that we are ready for change, try doing something new. Drive home a new way. Eat something you've never eaten before. Do something you have never done before. If we make the conscious decision to try something new, we are also communicating to our Heavenly Father that we are ready for something new.

A New Post

Wow! It's been a while. I apologize for the long delay since the last post. You see, I wasn't sure how to write a post about the most life-changing experience I've ever had. What I will do is post a couple of my favorite letters home on here and you can read those. This will just give you an idea of a typical week in Nauvoo. In addition to the funny things you will read, there were amazing testimony builders. We had talks every week from our mission president that were inspiring and uplifting. I have never felt so close to my Savior as I did in Nauvoo. The beautiful thing is that what I learned in Nauvoo doesn't end in Nauvoo. I will continue to bear my testimony and live my life differently because of my experience there. Nauvoo was a miracle for me. I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It's the most beautiful blessing I have ever experienced.


Hello family!!
I didn't have time on P-day to write to you, so President is letting me write while I wait for my companion to finish her meeting with President. This week has been so great!! We started performing on Saturday! There was a lot of adrenaline and a lot of energy for both shows. The first show was great and we had a couple of really funny things happen. During the first scene there is a really fast costume change and the Elder got his hand caught in the sleeve and then he had to get on stage so he thought he would just put it through the sleeve the rest of the way while he was on stage. His hand would NOT go through the sleeve. It was completely stuck. Because of that, his jacket looked extremely awkward. He really looked like a hunchback on stage. He had to shake hands with the people on stage and it was his right hand that was in the coat. So when he went to shake another Elder's hand, it was a girly handshake and then he had to grab his bag with his sleevie hand. We were dying backstage. It was so funny! Another thing that happened was one girl tripped on another guy's foot and she fell right off the stage onto her bum. Everyone on the front row kept asking her if she was all right. She was thoroughly embarrassed. We had another guy step on a girl's dress during the dance scene and rip the bottom off so it was about 3 feet of fabric just trailing around her. And then there is a lift that some of the couples do where the guy just lifts up the girl in the back and holds her like a bear hug around her legs. Anyway, the heels on girl's shoes got caught in the front part of the elder's pants. He kept trying to lift her higher so she could get them out and she ended up having to sit on his shoulder while she took her shoes out of his pants. It was a little awkward but absolutely hysterical. Oh my... I hope that makes you laugh!

Sunset by the Mississippi is by far my favorite show. I still struggle a ton with high hopes and riverboats and what I feel should be the story here. I'm working on having the same energy for that show, but it is difficult. At sunset though we had a hilarious thing happen! One night this week it was attack of the June bugs. Matt, Melodie, Josh, and Steve, do you guys remember June bugs??? Sickness and death!!!!! They are so disgusting!! They are fat, brown, loud, an inch long AND they fly!! ugh!!!!! They are stupid bugs too!! They kept dive-bombing the stage and you could hear them splatting on the stage and then because they land on their backs they just buzz around and it's really loud and sick!!! During one of our group numbers, a june bug landed in my companion's hair and she started jumping around and shaking her head during the group number. Oh my gosh... it was so funny!! About 5 minutes later, during the patriotic medley, one of the bugs landed on a sister's neck and she let out a giant scream. The audience loved it. It was hilarious and will probably be one of my favorite memories of Nauvoo.

My voice is holding up really well!!! I will have vocal chords of steel when I get home. We are constantly singing and I know the Lord is helping all of us. Also, when I got out here both of my feet were hurting excrutiatingly from when I broke them. I thought they were healed before I came but I couldn't dance at all. I started wearing my boot to all the rehearsals and I couldn't learn the clogging I needed to. It was very frustrating and I was really worried I was going to be sent home. It's kind of a dancing mission... I went in to talk to the mission president about it because I was so worried. He gave me a blessing and told me the Lord is very proud of me and my service here. He said my feet would heal completely because the Lord wants me to dance with all my heart here. About a week before the shows started, my feet were completely fine. I kid you not. I was not doing anything differently. In fact, I was working harder and not wearing the boot. My feet have not hurt in two weeks. My companion's feet hurt every day after our performances and my feet do not hurt. Do you understand what a miracle that is?? My feet have been hurting for 9 months and all of a sudden I can dance for 8 hours and my feet don't hurt. I tear up thinking about it. I know I needed to learn things from my feet hurting. The Lord has a specific design for His children and all of their trials are catered specifically to them. I love you guys so much. My heart is so full as I think about how blessed I am. The gospel is true. Shout it from the rooftops!!! It's true!!! The only true happiness in life comes through our Savior Jesus Christ. His atonement allows that happiness in all of us. He wants us to come to Him so much!!!!! You are all so amazing!!!! Thank you for your support!!!!!

With all my heart,
Sister Gardner

Talents

The last month or so has been a very difficult one for me. The last two weeks have been even harder. This week has been the week from you-know-where! I don't think I've ever had so many feelings of despair, inadequacy and being just plain overwhelmed in my life. I have cried at least once every day this week. I have wondered if I am really good enough to go to Nauvoo. I've wondered if I'm prepared spiritually. I've wondered how on earth I'll ever prepare physically (moving, exercise after breaking my feet, etc...). I've wondered how to prepare academically (finals are this week). Every possible self-defeating thought I could possibly think has entered my mind more than once. And they are often entering my mind at the same time. I don't know how to do everything I need to do! I worry, I pray, I cry, I worry, I pray, I cry... You get the picture! It has just been difficult and I haven't really found peace with the whole idea.

Last Sunday I felt a little bit of peace in my life. Sacrament meeting was all about missionary work. We have several people leaving on missions in my ward and one of them gave a talk about the temple. She talked about her testimony and all she has learned. The Bishop then called up random people from the ward to share their testimonies of the gospel with the congregation. I don't know how, but it seemed each of them had something to say specifically for me. I cried through the whole Sacrament Meeting (it's rather difficult to play piano when you're crying!).

The most comforting thing was said in Sunday School. I don't even know if the teacher meant it this way, but we were talking about the law of consecration and he asked this question: "How would your outlook change if you really took into account that EVERYTHING is the Lord's?" He then listed some things on the board to think about and answer. One of the things he put up was talents. How would our thoughts about talents change if everything was the Lord's? The first way I took it was that I need to work harder and make sure I dedicate all of my talent to Him and make sure I am doing all that I do in His name. But then this other thought crept in. If my talent is really the Lord's talent, then it is enough. It is more than enough. It is exactly what He wants me to have and He will use it to better His kingdom because my talent really is the Lord's talent.

I'm tearing up as I type this because this has been weighing on my mind so much lately. By myself, I know I would not be able to do Nauvoo. If my talents were my own, I would not be enough. Because my talent is the Lord's talent, I will do enough and I will do His will. And I will do all in my power to better His kingdom.

I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know Joseph Smith was a prophet of God. I know President Monson is our prophet today. How blessed we are to have this knowledge. How blessed we are to be able to serve our Lord and thank Him in small ways. I am so grateful for the opportunity to go to Nauvoo and I pray with all of my energy and heart that I will humble myself and give myself to Him completely so I truly can better His kingdom and do His will in Nauvoo.

Conference

Saturday afternoon I overheard this conversation on Caitie's phone, "Hello Adam!" "We're coming later tonight" "You miss me? I miss you too!" "All right I'll see you tonight!" Right after the second session I overheard another phone call on Caitie's phone, "Hello Joseph!" "You're already there?" "We'll be there in 40 minutes!" Both of the nephews had called wondering when Caitie and I were going to show up. It's so fun to be missed!! We promptly left to go partake of the tradition we've made of watching conference at Josh and Mel's home. It consists of children, food, late nights, food, children, and watching conference. Did I mention food? :) We always have a blast and it always so fun to see everyone and hang out for the weekend!

This year Conference was extremely wonderful. It's my haven during a busy time. I love hearing the words of the prophets. I love how they seem to pertain just to me and everyone I talk to feels the same. I love how strong and beautiful the testimonies are. This year I had a keen awareness of just how much I have to work on. I need to strengthen my testimony and obey the commandments more fully. In addition to the thoughts of what I need to work on, I felt so much hope. I felt so much love and faith.

It was such a beautiful conference and I'm so excited to continue to listen and study the words as they come out on the internet and read them in the ensign. The Church is so true! I am so grateful to be a part of it!

Temple!

Conference was amazing this year. One of my favorite parts was when Melodie made up a game for the kids. She wrote down key words on strips of paper and put them in a bowl. Each of the children picked a strip of paper and every time one of the General Authorities said that word, they could get a handful of popcorn. The children got so excited!! Rachel picked the word temple and during Elder Bednar's talk, she got a lot of popcorn! It was so much that Melodie let the other kids get popcorn when they heard that word too! It turned into a wonderful game and the kids were focused on General Conference. Way to go Mel!

I really love General Conference! I love our tradition of going to Josh and Mel's. You guys are awesome!

Rachel stuffing her face with popcorn! :) So cute!! (Do you love her hair??)

Temple! I heard temple!!

Follow up

A little follow up... Engaged just got a letter from Provo City saying that Dishes was being charged and Engaged could get retribution if she wanted.  So crazy!

The Real "Hell's Kitchen"

To everything there is a season... a time to vent... isn't that one of them?

When I moved into my current apartment at the beginning of this last school year, I knew I was with an interesting group about two weeks in when one of my roommates took the dirty dishes from the sink and put them in cardboard boxes in the hallway. We had no idea they were even there until it stunk really badly and there were flies. When we finally discovered the where the stench was coming from, we all (the other 5) looked around suspiciously. Who on earth does that?!

My roommate does... apparently.

A week later there was a contract on the fridge door. The basic idea of the contract was that if we signed it, we were agreeing that we were responsible adults and we would clean up after ourselves. If we did NOT sign the contract then we had to pay her $40 to do the dishes.

I'll insert right here... our dishes were not bad. Any apartment where 6 girls are living there... is going to have dishes sometimes. No biggie...

When I walked in and saw the contract, I immediately took it down and put it in my closet. The next day she pushed all of my stuff off the table and got mad at Caitie about it my two books that she had pushed off. She said that some people don't need any space... but she needs one inch. Is that too much to ask? As I walked downstairs, I could hear the commotion and if anyone knows me, they know that if there is someone picking on a member of my family or a friend of mine, I will become very assertive, very quickly. I followed Chelsea into her room and we had our first discussion about her behavior. We left the conversation with, I respectfully disagree with almost everything you just said. We will just agree to disagree.

At that point there were still 7 months left to live all together. Time to let bygones be bygones. I determined that it was better for me to spend as little time with her as possible... so I did. It did help with the tension between her and I and for a few months things were all right.

3 weeks ago, the real trouble began. I was doing my homework in the living room and my roommate came in. She looked at the dishes, went into the hallway, dumped out my laundry basket, filled it with dirty dishes, then put the laundry basket of dirty dishes back into the hallway. I just sat there and watched in amazement. It didn't occur to me that she was using my laundry basket until the whole thing was over. While she was putting the dishes into the basket, I told her that it was funny she was spending just as much energy putting the dishes into the basket as she would if she put them into the dishwasher. Wrong move, I guess. Immediately my roommate started yelling at me. We had a somewhat heated discussion where she kept saying the same illogical things over and over again. I finally left while she was still yelling at me.

During the course of that week, she had very heated arguments with 3 other roommates. There was yelling involved in all of them. One of the roommates asked her why she was yelling and she yelled back that she wasn't yelling... the other roommate was. Ugh...

This last Monday trumps every other argument had in this apartment.

I have a roommate who is engaged to a man who was previously married and has a 1-year-old son. On Monday, my engaged roommate and her fiance were babysitting their little boy. "Dishes" roommate came home and started cooking and the fiance went into the kitchen and asked her to keep it down a little bit because they were trying to put the baby down for a nap. Immediately, Dishes Roommate yelled at the engaged couple saying that it's her apartment and she can do whatever she wants. She slammed the pan down on the stove and slammed the cupboard doors. Engaged Roommate went into the kitchen and told her that she was scaring the baby (the baby was screaming at this point because of all the noise) and could she please be quiet. Dishes Roommate pushed Engaged Roommate away. Engaged roommate went into the living room and told Dishes that she would stay in the living room and Dishes would stay in the kitchen and they wouldn't talk to each other. Everything would be fine. Dishes then opened and slammed the fridge door 6 times in a row staring Engaged Roommate down. She continued yelling that it was her apartment and she could do whatever she wanted. Engaged roommate had had enough and went and shoved Dishes back and told her to knock it off. Dishes threw her pitcher of orange juice onto the engaged couple and it got all over their laptop and all over them. Engaged Roommate then slapped Dishes in the face. Dishes then punched Engaged roommate and after the fiance broke them up, Dishes ran upstair yelling she would charge Engaged Roommate with battery and she was going to call the cops.

Funny words when she started the whole thing. Fiance went to tell the manager of the apartments what happened and she came over and talked to Engaged Roommate and then Dishes and told them both that one of them needs to move out. Another roommate told the manager that Dishes should move out because the entire apartment had issues with her. Dishes moved out and then around 9:30 that night, after Dishes had moved out...

I was doing homework in my bedroom and there was a knock on my bedroom door, "Hello, Provo Police. Can I ask you a few questions?" He asked me what had happened and was I aware that my roommates had an altercation in the apartment earlier. (To be honest I had never heard the word "altercation" before, but I figured it out from context :) ) I answered his questions until Engaged Roommate came home. He then asked her and her fiance to write statements about what happened and told them that Dishes Roommate had called the cops on them. Dishes was filling out a statement outside her new apartment. We ended up talking with the Officer until 12:00 that night.

I asked the Officer what might happen and he said that both roommates will probably be charged with a class B misdemeanor. Crazy!

Since that night, my apartment has been amazing! We have all gotten along and the apartment has stayed more clean than it ever was while Dishes lived here.

I guess the moral of the story is... Proverbs 21:19
"It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman"

A New Look!!

I'm pretty sure I love how my blog looks now!! It makes me excited to update it more frequently. That's all I wanted to say! :)

Be a Quality Person

Be a Quality Person
By Elder Marvin J. Ashton Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Marvin J. Ashton, “Be a Quality Person,” Ensign, Feb 1993, 64
Address given 30 August 1992 at a single member fireside broadcast via satellite from Temple Square, Salt Lake City.

God bless you valiant single members. You are choice in our Heavenly Father’s eyes and in my eyes. The leaders of the Church pray that with the Lord’s help and our personal efforts, all of us can achieve happiness. Certainly when we choose the good part, regardless of our current situation, life will be lived to the fullest.
A quality life is God’s greatest wish for us. Life is to be lived well in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. There should not be a waiting period.
A few months ago, I had the opportunity of talking with a woman who was worried about how she might prepare to be a good wife. I told her, “Don’t worry about being a good wife. Concern yourself with life’s number one priority: being a quality person. If you are a quality person, you don’t have to worry about being a good wife, mother, daughter, Church member, leader, single, or community strength. If you are a quality person, you will be good in any situation in which you find yourself.”
What makes up a quality person? Many traits and characteristics of a worthy nature are necessary for all of us, whether we’re married or single. Let me share a few thoughts. I hope you will think about them with me for just a few minutes.
1. If you have self-respect, you will take satisfaction in being well groomed and will not allow yourself to perform shabbily. You will continue to work toward high standards and goals to serve others, to continue and to practice self-discipline. You will not compromise your standards or beliefs.
Think of the confidence and joy that our Heavenly Father expressed when he said, “This is my beloved Son.” (Matt. 17:5.) Or as Jesus himself once said, “He that hath seen me hath seen the Father.” (John 14:9.) Each of us has the challenge to know the Father and to become one with Him.
William George Jordan once said, “Man has two creators, his God and himself. The first creator furnishes him the raw materials of his life—the laws and conformity with which he can make that life what he will. The second creator—himself—has powers he rarely realizes. It is what a man makes of himself that counts.”
Self-respect allows a person to know who he or she is and what is expected of him or her.
Set your goals—without goals you can’t measure your progress. But don’t become frustrated if the victories don’t come quickly or easily. Remind yourself that striving can be more important than arriving. If you are striving for excellence—if you are trying your best day by day with the wisest use of your time and energy to reach realistic goals—you are a success, and you can feel proud of your accomplishments.
2. A quality person is someone with integrity. To be worthy of the highest trust is a noble attribute and compliment. You will need to maintain confidences. Certainly it is greater to be trusted than loved. Truly happy persons will always be totally honest in their dealings with their fellowman.
3. A quality person will not be offended. In life there is no time for being hurt. There should be no time to be petty. A wise person will focus on principles of optimism and hope.
4. A quality person will develop the capacity to love and be lovable. We all need to take advantage of every opportunity to love with tenderness and sincerity. This will determine our eternal joys and progress. Ponder the truth that it is more important to love than to be loved.
Thomas P. Malone said: “Almost every emotional problem can be summed up in one particular bit of behavior: it’s a person walking around screaming, ‘… Love me.’ Love me, that’s all. He goes through a million different manipulations to get somebody to love him.
“On the other hand, healthy people are those who walk around looking for someone to love. And, if you see changes in the people who are screaming, ‘Love me, love me,’ it’s when they realize that if they give up this screaming and go to the other business of loving another human, they can get the love they’ve been screaming for all their lives. It’s hard to learn, but it’s good when you learn it.” (“Points to Ponder,” Reader’s Digest, Jan. 1974, p. 151.)
5. A quality person will murmur not. He will not find fault or criticize, belittle, or nag. When I think of those who are examples of proficient murmuring on a continuing basis, I think of Laman and Lemuel in the Book of Mormon. By contrast I admire Nephi, who never murmured. Instead he was positive and had no time for contention, discouragement, or apathy.
Someone has wisely stated that hate is not the opposite of love. Apathy is. We will not have time for apathy in life’s journey if we speak and think positively. Seek, search, and work for worthy eternal qualities and friends.
6. A quality person is one who has real faith. With true faith we will increase our meaningful relationship with God. This will develop and expand our knowledge that God is our father. He lives. He loves us. He hears our prayers and would lead us to eternal happiness. Remember that God and one are a family. What a comforting, heartening truth this is.
All of us must live with proper priorities and purposes. Don’t be harsh in your self-appraisal. Rather, measure yourself by whether or not you are living the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I like the way of life expressed by my friend, Carol Clark, administrative assistant to the Relief Society general presidency, when she says that the personal challenge is not to wait successfully but to live richly, fully, and joyfully. The goal is not to wait for the right person but to be the right person.
“The real fun of life is in overcoming obstacles while still happily hoping everything will work out. … I freely admit that living with my dreams unfulfilled has proven to be a softening, humbling influence because it’s been so hard. But the anchor is at hand, and because it is, I can progress, even though to date I’ve lost at love—the one thing I’ve wanted more in life than anything else save righteousness itself. …
“Last summer I complained to a non-Latter-day Saint friend that I was exhausted, having no fun, living like an automaton. Nonsympathetically, she countered, ‘What do you think this is? A dress rehearsal? This is your life, Carol. Fix it.’ I expected a pat and a kind word. Instead, I got a splash of reality square in the face. She was, of course, quite right. I wasn’t giving my life value, so I didn’t feel it had value. I went home, reread the parables of the sower and of the talents, and regrouped.” (A Singular Life, ed. Carol L. Clark and Blythe Darlyn Thatcher, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1987, pp. 35–36.)
Brothers and sisters, regroup, if that’s what is needed. Do not wait. Rather fill your life with service, education, personality development, love for all, and other such meaningful traits. Live with purpose each day. You are being unfair if you call yourself a failure because a proper marriage is not possible.
I know that some of you are single because of fears or difficult experiences in your past. I invite you to partake of the love of our Savior, who gave His life for each of us. He “manifesteth himself unto all those who believe in him, by the power of the Holy Ghost; yea, unto every nation, kindred, tongue, and people, working mighty miracles, signs, and wonders, among the children of men according to their faith.” (2 Ne. 26:13.) Remember that He loves you, and so do we. Remember that all of us can learn to contribute today, no matter what happened yesterday or what awaits us tomorrow.
I recall a personal friend of mine who lost her husband when they were both approximately fifty years of age. Some weeks after the funeral I talked to her, and she said, “I love my husband so much and know how deep his affection is for me. What I am going to do now is wait for him to come and get me someday.” Do not indulge yourself, at any marriageable age, in the waiting game when there is so much in life to do. Bring additional self-fulfillment, personal development, and self-respect through worthy associations and services.
Maintain your perspective while making marriage a righteous goal in your life. Count what you do have—not what you don’t have. A quality life in any circumstances comes from remembering what Mormon taught, that if a man or woman doesn’t have charity or love, he or she is “nothing.” (See Moro. 7:44.)
I like the observations made by Karen Lynn Davidson in her excellent book, Thriving on Our Differences: “I have yet to see marriage, by itself, turn an unhappy person into a happy person. A really happy married person is almost always one who was or could have been happy as a single person.” (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1990, p. 39.)
I remind you again that compromising and lowering standards and ideals never have been and never will be tools of happiness. While we are striving for quality conduct in our lives, we must ever realize that being single will never be as painful as being married to the wrong person with wrong and selfish standards. A mate must be willing to share tender and loving associations in an eternal quest for life at its best. Avoid getting married just to be married. Feeling sorry for people or desiring to help them get their lives in order are poor reasons for marriage. Marriage should be based on love and shared values.
Even after a good marriage opportunity comes along, we should consider the wonderful things there are for us to do. How much richer life in every situation will be when we love others and find meaningful activities. Every child of God can profit from getting into a preparation mode, not in a waiting mode. Living without purpose is improper waiting. It can cause stagnation and ultimate despair. Think of President Spencer W. Kimball’s example:
“I stress again the deep need each woman has to study the scriptures. We want our homes to be blessed with sister scriptorians—whether you are single or married, young or old, widowed or living in a family.
“Regardless of your particular circumstances, as you become more and more familiar with the truths of the scriptures, you will be more and more effective in keeping the second great commandment, to love your neighbor as yourself. Become scholars of the scriptures—not to put others down, but to lift them up! After all, who has any greater need to ’treasure up’ the truths of the gospel (on which they may call in their moments of need) than do women and mothers who do so much nurturing and teaching?” (Spencer W. Kimball, Ensign, Nov. 1979, p. 102.)
To be in control of your life, to be a success regardless of your situation as a single, I recommend you come to know your Father in Heaven. Come to love Him. Always remember that He loves you and will give you guidance and support if you will but give Him the chance. Include Him in your decision making. Include Him in your heartaches and heartbreaks. Include Him when you take inventory of your personal worth. “For behold, this life is the time for men to prepare to meet God; yea, behold the day of this life is the day for men [and women] to perform their labors.” (Alma 34:32.)
As you strive to become a quality person, commune daily with your Heavenly Father who knows you best of all. He knows your talents, your strengths, and your weaknesses. You are here on the earth at this time to develop and refine these characteristics. I promise you He will help you. He is aware of your needs. He is aware of your unanswered prayers.
Brethren, I share some counsel with you from our prophets. President Ezra Taft Benson declared: “My dear single adult brethren, we are also concerned. We want you to know that the position of the Church has never changed regarding the importance of celestial marriage. It is a commandment of God. The Lord’s declaration in Genesis is still true: ‘And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone.’ (Gen. 2:18.)” (Ensign, May 1988, p. 52.)
On another occasion, President Spencer W. Kimball shared an experience: “Recently I met a young returned missionary who is 35 years old. He had been home from his mission for 14 years and yet he was little concerned about his bachelorhood, and laughed about it.
“I shall feel sorry for this young man when the day comes that he faces the Great Judge at the throne and when the Lord asks this boy: ‘Where is your wife?’ All of his excuses which he gave to his fellows on earth will seem very light and senseless when he answers the Judge. ‘I was very busy,’ or ‘I felt I should get my education first,’ or ‘I did not find the right girl’—such answers will be hollow and of little avail. He knew he was commanded to find a wife and marry her and make her happy. He knew it was his duty to become the father of children and provide a rich, full life for them as they grew up. He knew all this, yet postponed his responsibility.” (Ensign, Feb. 1975, p. 2.)
President Benson also stated: “I realize that some of you brethren may have genuine fears regarding the real responsibilities that will be yours if you do marry. You are concerned about being able to support a wife and family and provide them with the necessities in these uncertain economic times. Those fears must be replaced with faith.
“I assure you, brethren, that if you will be industrious, faithfully pay your tithes and offerings, and conscientiously keep the commandments, the Lord will sustain you. Yes, there will be sacrifices required, but you will grow from these and will be a better man for having met them.
“Work hard educationally and in your vocation. Put your trust in the Lord, have faith, and it will work out. The Lord never gives a commandment without providing the means to accomplish it (see 1 Ne. 3:7).
“Also, do not be caught up in materialism, one of the real plagues of our generation—that is, acquiring things, fast-paced living, and securing career success in the single state.
“Honorable marriage is more important than wealth, position, and status. As husband and wife, you can achieve your life’s goals together. As you sacrifice for each other and your children, the Lord will bless you, and your commitment to the Lord and your service in His kingdom will be enhanced.” (Ensign, May 1988, pp. 52–53.)
All of my life I have been taught the virtue and necessity of patience. With all I know about the importance of this great quality, I still want to go on record at this time as saying that one of the areas of life that is most difficult for me to be patient with is a group of marriageable, mature men who delay, postpone, and neglect this important phase of life and eternity.
To marriageable, mature men, I call them unto repentance. Do not procrastinate the day of your repentance. Believe us when we tell you there is someone for you and God will help you find her. I have little patience for a marriageable, mature man who hasn’t found “Miss Perfect.” I believe some men think of themselves as “Mr. Perfect.” I suggest that any of these men who sincerely desire a happy, fulfilling, worthy life view single women and themselves more realistically. Don’t be afraid to seek out persons of the opposite sex who would be pleased to share dating and courtship time with someone who is worthy, sincere, and truly lovable.
There may be excuses and a failure to make the commitment to a worthy lady, but frankly it is hard to find reasons for indefinite delay and an unwillingness to adapt, adjust, and grow by participating in an eternal partnership.
Not long ago a young, marriageable-aged lady said to me, “When you go about speaking to single, marriageable-aged men, why don’t you tell them to ‘get with the program.’ ” Maybe that statement is a little blunt, but if her phrase speaks to the heart of the matter, I don’t hesitate to endorse it.
I say to our sisters, don’t delay marriage because of your career goals, educational desires, or unwillingness to change your life. You too must strive to find a worthy mate and live all the commandments of God.
Now, for those listening who are thinking, “This is the same old thing the Brethren always say to singles,” I remind you of the words of Amulek, “I was called many times and I would not hear; therefore I knew concerning these things, yet I would not know.” (Alma 10:6.) Brethren and sisters, we love you, and we desire your welfare. That’s why we persist in teaching you the Lord’s way. It is your choice if you will have ears to hear our words. I pray you will seek your Heavenly Father’s guidance that you might know, then do what is right for you.
God will never stop helping us to become quality people. I promise you this. He will constantly help us to be our best when we walk in the light of truth, hope, and appreciation. Make yours a quality life, for you are important to the Lord and to us.

A Small Update

I have now attempted to write a new entry four times now and I think I'll keep this one. :) I'm sorry it's been so long since I have updated everything. Life has been wonderful and crazy!

First off, in November I auditioned to be a Young Performing Missionary in Nauvoo. I passed the first audition and was called back to audition on January 3rd. That audition went really well and I'm going to go to Nauvoo as a Young Performing Missionary for the summer!! I'm really really excited to go. I leave May 3rd and I believe the last day of the mission is August 16, but I'm not totally sure on that one. This has been on my list of goals in life since I was 14 years old. I'm very excited it's coming through to fruition. Life is good. :)

Second, I broke both of my feet! Weird huh? 3 years ago I took advanced clogging and Irish dance both in the same semester. My feet hurt incredibly all the time, but I thought I had just bruised them. When I auditioned for Nauvoo, I reinjured them and when I got them X-rayed, the doctor found that I fractured both of my... ahem... medial sesamoid bones on my first metatarsuls. (Caitie had me practice that for two days before I could say it correctly!) I'm walking around campus with boots on my feet and if they start hurting I'm supposed to use crutches. I really don't like crutches so my feet don't hurt very often... if you know what I mean. :) Anyway, they should be better before I go to Nauvoo. In the meantime, I'm trying not to walk very much.

Finally, I think I'm going to add a dance minor to my two majors. There was a class that I had to take this semester in order to graduate in the spring. I just found out it is completely full and the teacher will not add me. Lame, huh? That does open up a semester where I would only take 3 classes. Why not add the entire dance minor in that semester?? I've done some of the minor already in the past, so I'm hoping I can audition and get a little minor attached to my HUGE major. After that, I will graduate. Seriously.

Well, that's about all I have to say right now. I hope all is well!!!