hurting

I've discovered I care about people a lot. :) Not such a new discovery, but I've realized something about how I care about people that is a new discernment. It was spurred on by Audrey. There was a movie that several people were going to watch. As I wanted to be a part of the group, I thought I would watch it with them. The day before we watched the movie, Audrey took me aside and told me she thought there would be scenes that would disturb me a lot and suggested I not watch the movie. I appreciated her concern for me and decided not to watch it. The parts she thought would disturb me were very emotional scenes. She told me, "Emilie, you take on other people's emotions without knowing why or what they are feeling."

After she told me that, I have watched myself and have been sensitive to how I feel when other people are around me. When I am talking to a friend that is hurting, I feel their hurt. I don't understand it... I can just feel their pain. I sometimes cry not because of something they said about how they're hurting, but because I can see the hurt in his/her face and I feel it. I've also discovered that I can be strong enough for the person for as long as they are hurting. But when they are ok, I break down. That's when I really allow myself to feel my own pain for the person. It's no longer their hurting.. it's my hurting. I realize how weak I am. I realize how little I actually help. All I do is feel for them. I can't take care of their problems for them-no matter how much I'd like to.

I remember when I was Mia Maid and Laurel President, these feelings were very acute. I felt so much for my girls. There were many nights of tears and prayers for these girls who could become incredible women, but didn't see their potential. I could feel how Heavenly Father felt for them. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've had.

It's easy to forget how Heavenly Father feels for His children individually. When we are so caught up in the mundane tasks of life that seem so overwhelming. When it seems like we're just going from test to test, trying to keep our heads above water, it's so easy to forget. It's easy to be caught up in pride. I am so weak. I have so much to learn. And I constantly need my Heavenly Father to take me in His arms to remind me that He loves me and that I'm His daughter. But, I'm stubborn and I think I'll be all right without that. He has so many other children who hurt more than me that He could be taking care of. But the atonement is all encompassing. It's not like Heavenly Father only has time for one child at a time. He is ready and waiting for each of His children all the time. I need to remember that. I am blessed. Truly blessed.