"If"

I am now in the BYU Concert Choir. It's a mixed choir (no longer just women). It has a different feeling to it, but I absolutely love it. On Saturday of last week, we had our choir retreat. We get to know one another, eat delicious food, and sing our songs. Interjected in the rehearsal are words of wisdom by the wonderful Sister Hall. One of the songs we sang at retreat really struck me. The music is set to the poem, "Another Spring". It's written by a woman who is dying. She is looking back on her life and saying, "if".

Another Spring
Christina Rossetti

If I might see another Spring
I’d not plant summer flowers and wait:
I’d have my crocuses at once,
My leafless pink mezereons,
My chill-veined snowdrops, choicer yet
My white or azure violet,
Leaf-nested primrose; anything
To blow at once not late.

If I might see another Spring
I’d listen to the daylight birds
That build their nests and pair and sing,
Nor wait for mateless nightingale;
I’d listen to the lusty herds,
The ewes with lambs as white as snow,
I’d find out music in the hail
And all the winds that blow.

If I might see another Spring—
O stinging comment on my past
That all my past results in “if”—
If I might see another Spring
I’d laugh to-day, to-day is brief;
I would not wait for anything:
I’d use to-day that cannot last,
Be glad to-day and sing.

As we sang the song, my eyes actually filled with tears. I am young so I haven't asked myself too many "what if" questions. I have asked some, and those have left me wondering what my life would have been like if I had chosen differently. How tragic would it be if I live to an old age and wonder what my life could have been if only I had chosen differently? What if I never take risks? What if I never do those things that are the hardest for me, but also the most rewarding? What if I don't listen to the promptings of the spirit as He guides my life? What if I don't spend quality time with my husband and nurture that relationship to become the best it possibly can? What if I don't spend quality time with my children?

My Grandpa wrote each of his grandchildren letters and gave us all money. In the letter he said that the money was to make up for his actions and lack of actions in building relationships with us grandchildren. He is 90+ years old. How tragic it is that I have only seen him 3 times in my life. "If I might see another spring... oh stinging comment on my past. That all my past results in 'if'".

This woman has lived her life saying the word 'if'. Her past results in ifs. I remember a story Mom sent out that talks about a woman that never wore her expensive clothing because she wanted to save it for a special occasion. It sat in her drawer with the price tags on. It was not worn once.

Every day is a special occasion! Life is special. Those mundane tasks are special! Walking home from school is special. Listening to professors is special. Waking up this morning with construction in my backyard is special because I will never have another September 10, 2010. What does this day hold for me? What am I choosing to focus on today? I am choosing to live life fiercely. I am choosing to remember the small things. I am choosing to listen. I am choosing to be happy and live in the moment. Don't wait for tomorrow. As the wise Harold Hill says in The Music Man, "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you are left with nothing but a lot of empty yesterdays. I don't know about you, but I'd like to make today worth remembering."