PROPOSITION 8: A CLEAR MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

There are typos! I just don't have time right now to go through and fix all of them.

PROPOSITION 8: A CLEAR MESSAGE FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE

I am going to attempt the impossible: I want to try todiscuss Proposition 8 in an honest, equitable manner.To demonstrate the divisiveness of the issue, let me firstpoint out that I could only call it "Proposition 8." If I'd called itby its original name, "Proposition 8: California Marriage ProtectionAct," you would think that I want you to vote "Yes on 8." Afterall, who wouldn't want to protect marriage? If I'd called it by its new name, asdetermined by California's attorney general and legislative analyst in July,"Proposition 8: Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry," youwould think that I want you to vote "No on 8." After all, who wouldwant to eliminate someone's rights?And, to demonstrate how far-reaching its effects, I didn'teven need to call it "California' s Proposition 8." No matter wherethis email goes, to any of the 50 states that may have propositions up forvote, I'm confident people will know which state's "Proposition 8" I'm talkingabout.Laurie Goodstein of the New York Times describes the Proposition withpoetic imagery: "it is raging like a wind-whipped wildfire inCalifornia." More poetic still...from an article in Monday's SanFrancisco Chronicle:"Michelle Sundstrom and her husband gave $30,000 to theYes on 8 campaign and put a sign on their home. But in response, two womenparked an SUV in front of their home, with the words 'Bigots live here' paintedon the windshield. Sundstrom believes such responses must come from deep placesof pain-and that gays and lesbians are entitled to the same rights asheterosexuals, just not the word marriage. Any animosity toward gays or lesbians is wrong, shesaid."There must be such deep, deep, deep hurt; otherwisethere couldn't be so much opposition," she said. "They've livedwith this. I guess we're getting a taste of where they live."Wow. Perhaps all this craziness and hate-slinging isactually getting us somewhere. A heterosexual Mormon couple has a "Bigotslive here" sign parked in front of their house, and what's their response?"They've lived with this. I guess we're getting a taste of where theylive."And she didn't just say "deep hurt." She said"deep, deep, deep hurt." I know the depth of that pain. I grew up Mormonand gay back in the 1970s. That was when we were shunned, ridiculed, bruised,battered, and discriminated against by nearly everyone, religious or otherwise.We hid in the closets because it hurt too much to come out. People who did comeout were called perverts, child molesters, predators, queer, sick, you name it.For those of us who were Mormon, it was even worse. We were attracted to thesame sex, yet Mormon doctrine stated we were supposed to get married only to amember of the opposite sex. It is a direct conflict between the two strongest,most significant desires in life.When I was in college, I met a woman with whom I thought I'dspend the rest of my life. But after a couple of years, we broke up. That waswhen I had this feeling, an impression, to talk to my bishop. I had no idea whohe was because I hadn't gone to church in years.That bishop used the power of the priesthood in my behalf,just as the divine plan had been laid out. He met with me for almost threeyears as I struggled and faltered. Suicide was a very real threat. I feelblessed, or lucky, or both, not to be among the many who have already pulledthe trigger. I wasn't suicidal because of the Church's unwavering stance onmarriage, however. I hadn't been forced to believe, or guilted into it. I hadnot been brainwashed. My testimony came from the heart.In time, my spiritual identity began to gain strength overmy sexual identity. Iwas finally able to choose the right. But it was a troubling choice. I had nodesire, whatsoever, to spend a lifetime with a man - much less an eternity. Sothat left me with celibacy. To this day, sacrificing same-sex relationships isthe greatest sacrifice I have made.Years ago, a friendsaid: "The sacrifice of a loved one for an attempt to live righteouslycannot go unnoticed. The loss is real, the sadness is real, in a world where sofew things are real." Now, the loss and pain are being publicly recognizedby Church leaders. In a fireside for Latter-day Saints in California, ElderQuentin L. Cook said, "There are faithful temple-worthy members of theChurch who struggle with this great challenge, often in silence, fear, andgreat pain. Our hearts go out to these good brothers and sisters even as weuphold the divine truths the Lord has revealed about marriage."Back when I wasstruggling with same-sex attraction, I couldn't find any LDS resources thatdealt specifically with the issue. I'd insist, "The Church doesn'tunderstand. They don't even care enough to help." Finally I realized theChurch I was critizing was not just "they", it was also "I". Andperhaps "I" should quit complaining and start writing. So I did. Thetitle of my book sums it up: Born That Way? A True Story of Overcoming Same-SexAttraction. Few people were offering hope back then for people who wanted toovercome same-sex attraction. I felt compelled by the spirit to provide hopefor others with struggles similar to mine.The secular resourcesdid more harm than good. Back then, the only claims you heard from the"experts" were: "Sexual attractions are a permanent part of whoyou are. They're indelible, unchangeable, and unavoidable. " Fortunately,the "experts" are now realizing that, just like other aspects of who we are,sexual attractions are influenced by genetics, environment, upbringing,experiences - all of it. Nature and nurture are no longer pitted against eachother.I've had the uniqueopportunity to witness the journey of many people who struggle with same-sexattractions. In 1990, I volunteered as a phone counselor - originally referredthrough Evergreen, an organization established to help Mormons who face thistrial. Over the span of almost 20 years, I've seen some Latter-day Saints getmarried in the temple, and others work to remain celibate - either because theyhave not found a spouse yet, or because they have not developed attractionstoward the opposite sex. I also have friends, who once had very strongtestimonies, who tried desperately to bring their lives into accordance withgospel principles, but finally gave up. At least for now.THIS IS SO IMPORTANT:Some people, no matter what they do or how hard they try, will never findthemselves attracted to the opposite sex, in this life. They deserve our utmostrespect. So do those who identify as gay or straight or bisexual or none of theabove. They all deserve our respect.It's not difficult forme to understand how the body of the Church in California has become dividedover this issue. I have felt divided, too. Our family lived in California in2000, when the Defense of Marriage Act came up for vote the first time. Myhusband and I were sealed together for time and all eternity, and our childrenwere born under the new and everlasting covenant. We, as an eternal family,were and are the direct beneficiaries of the Church's unwavering stance onmarriage. What once created angst so severe I considered suicide has led me toa life I never thought possible. One in which I have been happily married - toa man - for 15 years.However, I know alltoo well what it's like to be discriminated against. "Eliminating" someoneelse's rights seems wrong. And up until this past week, it seemed to go againstmy sense of fairness, democracy and justice as a citizen of the United States.It also seemed to run contrary to the core of my faith - the second greatestcommandment - to love one another.Despite my apprehensions in 2000, my husband and I acted infaith and supported Proposition 22 because the prophet asked us to. I hate toadmit this, but it wasn't until this week that I was finally able to reconcilethe opposing viewpoints I continued to debate with myself. I finally realizedwhy the leaders of the Mormon Church have been taking such an active role inall this. It happened when I read a National Public Radio report entitled "WhenGay Rights and Religious Liberties Clash". It says, "In recent years, somestates have passed laws giving residents the right to same-sex unions invarious forms. Gay couples may marry in Massachusetts and California. There arecivil unions and domestic partnerships in Vermont, New Jersey, Connecticut, NewHampshire and Oregon."I was astonished when I read: "So far, the religious groupsare losing." They listed examples such as Catholic Charities in Massachusetts.They had to pull out of the adoption business because they refused to adopt tosame-sex couples. Even individuals' religious rights are being revoked. A womandeclined to photograph a same-sex couple's commitment ceremony, saying herChristian beliefs prevented her from sanctioning same-sex unions. She was foundguilty of discrimination.When I read that article, it was like a light bulb went on.More importantly, I also felt a spiritual confirmation that the prophet trulyis prophetic. Here is the impression that came to me as I read:It's not that the Mormon Church is trying to get intopolitics. It's that politics is trying to get into the Church. And not just our church. Any churchor congregation or individual who believes that only a marriage between a manand a woman is ordained of God.I'm sorry I couldn't see what the prophet could see-untilthis week. I'm sorry I'm not sending this letter out till now. And I'm sorryfor my apathy - for being "lukewarm". Why, just last week I thought it was onlya matter of time before same-sex marriages became legal everywhere. How wrong Iwas.Yes, we're behind in the polls. Yes, it's the Friday beforeElection Day. So PLEASE, email this letter to anyone and everyone you thinkcould benefit from it - as quickly as possible!Unfortunately, someone has to lose with Proposition 8.Somebody's right to something will be limited at the end of the day on Tuesday.I, for one, do not want it to be my right to worship as I please.Sincerely,Erin EldridgeP.S. For those who would like to respond to this letter -whether in anger or frustration or support - I will do my best to respond toevery email I receive. But please, be patient. All our kids are still at homeand I work part time. Email riverwalk8@gmail. com.