Change

Before I moved to college, I did not think I struggled with change. When my family moved, I was all right with it. I cried a little bit, but my heart didn't break. A few nights ago, my old roommate, Cassidy, got engaged. She is so happy and I am so happy for her. My other old roommate, Audrey is moving to Texas. I'm trying to make decisions about where I want my life to go. There is a lot of change happening all at the same time, it seems. Anyway, after Cassidy got engaged, she came with her fiance to my apartment and we had a small party. I was all right until my sister began to cry. When I saw her cry, all the memories I have of living with these girls flooded through my mind and heart. I remembered our quote wall. I remembered crying over Gilmore Girls' episodes with them. I remembered skipping classes, just because I loved being home so much. I remembered working out to "Sweatin' to the Oldies". I remembered going to the library with Audrey at Christmas and checking out children's Christmas stories and reading them from the light of the Christmas tree in our apartment. I remembered break-ups. I remembered hugs. I remembered prayers and reading scriptures together. I remembered the ice cream and M&M's. I remembered Sunday afternoon naps on Caitie's and my bed. All six of the girls came in and we cuddled until we all fell asleep. I remembered porch movies. I remembered Tarythe singing and playing on her guitar. I remembered Julie making maceroni and cheese for breakfast. I remembered watching chick flicks while we all held hands and cried. I remembered Cassidy and Caitie laughing and being silly together. I remembered jamming with Ted in the front room while we all sang fun songs. I remembered making our favorite meals together so we could share our family favorites with the ones we love. I remembered Audrey's writing. I remembered coming home to our apartment and really feeling like I was home. I remembered the love. I remembered Caitie's first experience with 'religion'. I remembered coming home and we all wore our goucho pants on Sundays. Peanut butter and Chocolate chips. Practicing kissing on ice creams cones at Dairy Queen. I remembered boating with Debi-lynn.

Change is a good thing. It's so hard to say goodbye... or rather, see ya later. I feel like I'm ready to move on, but I still have a hard time letting go of these memories. I want everything to change while it all stays the same. Heavenly Father knows what is best in our lives. He knows our pains and struggles. He knows how much my heart hurts when I have to say goodbye. Because He knows that, I need to give it to Him so that He can help me figure out how to heal.

Thank you. Thank you for the memories. I love you.